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Government Long pig LotteryFederal law # 2008/sl/lp/0101/mGreetings! You won the Long pig Lottery!Steven Sudo; North Carolina Meat Lot # 59202As of 12/31/07 your U.S. Citizenship has been revoked and have been classified as meat.You are report to Holly Farms Inc. Meat Processing Plant # 53 in Monroe NC State Hwy 74 West @12.45pm on 02/14/2008. You have been selected for food. You will be cleaned, seasoned, slaughtered, dressed with Bar-B-Q sauce for the spit and you will be part of your Governments meat program of Skewered Long pigs; all our Long pig meat is spitted or skewered on a long pointed Stainless Steel metal rod, and are hickory smoked and slow roasted, cooked over an open flame. Government Inspectors are USDA, Butchers, and Cooks will be on hand to process you. Have proper ID with you; wear only clothes that can be cut off. No jewelry please. Please inform the Inspectors if you are meat or grain or soy fed meat unit; grain and soy meat units will be processed first. Also. I held her up debating what to do, then the two chat up lads, Dave and Phil, appeared through the door. "You two ladies OK, need some help?"I said, "Actually, my friend Lena here has had too much to drink, I'm not sure if I can get her home on my own."Phil said, "No problem, Dave and me will get you home." I breathed a sigh of relief, "Thanks lads, I'm very grateful. We're just in the cottage past the stables."Phil said, "Yeah, I know where you mean. This is our car." Phil pointed to a huge dark old Ford Granada, a few feet away. I tapped Lena lightly on the cheek and she seemed to sober up a little. She giggled, "We home yet Annie, I've got a terrible itch between my legs that needs scratching." Phil and Dave looked at us and Phil said,"You've got a right saucy one there. Ann is it? I'll get you to the car." Yes, I'm Ann, this drunken woman is Lena. Thanks boys." With the help of our two new young friends, we managed to walk Lena over to the big saloon and heave her unceremoniously.
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